Universally Quiet

Poem By: Alex Scofi

Part 1 - Why?

The White Woman on TV

Who is making more Money off this episode

Then i will make in a year.

She asks why?

Why??

Why!!!

Like my Vote was an attack on Her.

The reality this night does not match the one that she knows.

i’m not particularly surprised.

i’ve felt this hate before.

i use a tissue to wipe cheeto dust off my fingers.

The same tissues i use to wipe up lonely tears.

The same tissues i use to wipe up empty cum.

I don't bleed.

But I cry more than once a month.

And these bright red, white stained tissues paint a different Pain.

A Pain, I tell myself, you’ll never know.

Maybe if You understand that Pain you'll begin to know

why.

Foreword:

        One of the artists I've always been inspired by is Billy Bragg- he coined one my favorite lyrics: "if you want a black list I wanna be on it". He's a working class folk singer who beautifully wed together the themes of sex and politics. This is my attempt to weave together those concepts that are not as separate as we often think. I find that the war of the sexes has a shameful underbelly that if not addressed will become a permanent obstacle to political progress in this nation. Maybe with art we can start to approach the topics that are often too taboo to be address in everyday life.

Part 2 - Why's?

Why

Its 8:30 on a Friday.

And i do my weekly Tithes at the electronic temple

i Grindr the flowers, brambles, and Bumbles into ashes

And light the Tinder

In the fireplace with its creaking Hinges

Hoping to hear a voice back amongst the burning paper money…

All i get back is silence.

Why

When i put the Phone away and open my Computer

You say we're the moral side,

but my Computer Screen shows prenatal babies

gasping for breath

my Computer Screen shows a refugee hand

whose flesh is melting off amongst burning tents

tents that were supposed to be homes

and those incendiary bombs

Have those sacred words upon them

Made in America.

The only things Made in America anymore

Are Weapons of Death.

The word moral doesn’t resonate in my Jewish heart.

Why

when i Text my cousin,

but he is staring at his bills

him and his wife choosing…

between rent and baby formula

food or insulin

diapers or vegetables

therapy or the “necessities”

Your Sarcasm might fill you up,

but Our mouths are still

Empty.

It’s funny

I don’t know if we were ever great.

But this is a moment

So cruel

So hate filled

I’m not surprised why people want to go

Back.

Part 3 - Love

I want love

But why

Why does that desire feel like a crime

Like this love is a burden

a weight to be around someone else neck

The only thing I want around my neck is someone’s arms

And sometimes their hands

Til the breathing slows

And then we both finish together

In this silent apartment

I miss the volume from my students in my classroom

I love them like my children

Which is why I miss them

Home.

Speed dates are terrifying

My narcissism pushes me along

He holds back with strong comforting arms

the Thoughts

I feel too short

My hair too long

But I don’t let him run the show.

I’m not angry with these women

It's a torrent between them and me

A game of hot potato of baggage,

Volleyballing back and forth anxiety.

I finish sweaty and exhausted.

I did good.

And yet even when I stare at all these numbers

I still feel

Alone.

It's nights like these I struggle with not why…

but

Who?

Part 4 - That Feeling

You know that Feeling,

when you're lying in bed

one hand petting a lonely pillow

the other fidgeting over the gun drawer?

i don’t know it either.

but when i squeeze my eyes closed real tight

i sometimes hear

the Bang!

At the same time

You are not a stranger to weapons of death.

It’s why you let out a prayer,

Whenever You open the car door

And say goodbye to Timmy,

As he runs gleefully towards his Elementary school.

i’ve never written a suicide note

That was my coward of a father

I would never commit that crime on the people I love

But i do wonder

why

do i

stay

Mom would miss me,

but

who else?

You really never fantasize

About going

Back?

Part 5 - Hate or Love

See if you ask me

Why would someone choose hate?

That doesn't confuse me in moments like this.

Why not burn it all down?

Why fight against my hate?

If there is no love against it,

only Shame,

and if it’s shame or Hate.

I’ll pick Hate every time.

…

…

…

And then my phone rings.

And it's Judy from my old job saying hi.

And then Nic, the male guitarist I meant speed dating.

Not to date, just to talk.

And then She calls,

She knows she has a kid,

But she is still curious if I am free Saturday night.

And I smile.

‘Cause when I think of them,

I never want to go

back.